So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix. fucked up huh? I want to die.

The Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

According to national reports, young party-goers have discovered that by pouring moderate amounts of alcohol into their hot tubs and immediately soaking themselves in the water, they become quickly intoxicated.

C8H10N4O2
Caffeine
How much caffeine is there in [drink/food/pill]?
According to the National Soft Drink Association, the following is the caffeine content in mgs per 12 oz can of soda:

Afri-Cola 100.0 (?)
Jolt 71.2
Sugar-Free Mr. Pibb 58.8
Mountain Dew 55.0 (no caffeine in Canada)
Diet Mountain Dew 55.0
Kick citrus 54 (36mg per 8oz can, caffeine from guarana)
Mello Yellow 52.8
Surge 51.0
Tab 46.8
Battery energy drink -- 140mg/l = 46.7mg/can
Cola 45.6
Diet Cola 45.6
Shasta Cola 44.4
Shasta Cherry Cola 44.4
Shasta Diet Cola 44.4
Mr. Pibb 40.8
OK Soda 40.5
Dr. Pepper 39.6
Pepsi Cola 37.2
Aspen 36.0
Diet Pepsi 35.4
RC Cola 36.0
Diet RC 36.0
Diet Rite 36.0
Canada Dry Cola 30.0
Canada Dry Diet Cola 1.2
7 Up 0

Laws to Break


AZ

* You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
* No more than six girls may live in any house.
* An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
* Hunting camels is prohibited.

CA

* Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
* It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
* No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
* You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
* It is illegal in for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
* The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to .

CT

* You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
* Silly string is banned.
* You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour

ID

* If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
* Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.

IN

* Oral sex is illegal.
* A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
* You may not back into a parking spot. Police officers cannot see your license plate.
* Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.

KY

* It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
* It is considered an offense for anyone to receive anal sex.

MA

* Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
* Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
* Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
* It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
* An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.

ME

* You may not step out of a plane in flight.
* Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.

NM

* It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public

NY

* Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
* The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

OH

* It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
* It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
* Anal intercourse is banned.
* It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
* Breast feeding is not allowed in public.

TN

* Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
* Driving is not to be done while asleep.
* The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.
* It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.
* Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
* It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM.

UT

* When a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry their cousin.
* It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can't detonate them.
* A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
* Women may not swear.
* Daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor.
* You're not allowed to sell beverages containing more than 3.2% alcohol.

WV

* It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.
* Roadkill may be taken home for supper.
* Whistling underwater is prohibited.
* It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.




Drayton's Insanity

Gta0012 [1:21 PM]: its 1:21
Gta0012 [1:25 PM]: it's 1:25
Gta0012 [1:25 PM]: Do you know where you are?
Gta0012 [1:33 PM]: It's 1:33
Gta0012 [1:34 PM]: Do you know where your pants are?
Gta0012 [1:35 PM]: Jen: No.
Gta0012 [1:35 PM]: You dont! o man
Gta0012 [1:35 PM]: Jen: Wait...... yes.
Gta0012 [1:35 PM]: O thats good
Gta0012 [1:37 PM]: Now that that incident is over what you doing today?
Gta0012 [1:37 PM]: Jen: I'm not sure im pretty bored
Gta0012 [1:37 PM]: Yea me too i mean im talking to you
Gta0012 [1:37 PM]: Jen: Yes....
Gta0012 [1:37 PM]: yea....
Gta0012 [1:38 PM]: Jen: yea
Gta0012 [1:38 PM]: yea i am
Gta0012 [1:38 PM]: Jen: yea you are
Gta0012 [1:38 PM]: Jen: well... you doing anyhting today?
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: Jen: brian is supposed to call me back mabye ill go to the shore or get clothes some where else
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: You didnt say that
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: Jen: i didnt ?
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: No you just said what i wanted to say
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: Jen: No i didnt.
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: yes you did
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: Im andrew your jen
Gta0012 [1:39 PM]: Jen: Oh
Gta0012 [1:40 PM]: Jen: crap
Gta0012 [1:40 PM]: weell any way thats what IM doing today
Gta0012 [1:40 PM]: Jen: don't patronize me!
Gta0012 [1:40 PM]: You dont even know what that word means
Gta0012 [1:41 PM]: Jen: How would you know!?
Gta0012 [1:41 PM]:
Gta0012 [1:41 PM]: Jen: O yea
Gta0012 [1:42 PM]: Hey jen this conversation isnt going anywhere
Gta0012 [1:43 PM]: Jen: I knew that from hello
Gta0012 [1:43 PM]: I didnt say hello
Gta0012 [1:43 PM]: Jen: Yes you did!
Gta0012 [1:44 PM]: Jen: Gta0012 [1:35 PM]: Hello.
Gta0012 [1:44 PM]: Jen: See
Gta0012 [1:44 PM]: stop putting um text in my uh mouth i guess
Gta0012 [1:45 PM]: Jen: You're a quick one
Gta0012 [1:45 PM]: I went out on with this girl a bit late she had so many freinds
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: Hey jen the real jens back
BigJennyC [1:46 PM]: your insane
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: i guess you can leave know
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: Jen: Well meet again.
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: no we wont
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: Jen: Dammit, bye.
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: bye
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: now that shes gone
Gta0012 [1:46 PM]: What you up to today
Gta0012 [1:47 PM]: oooo and know you think im crazy
Gta0012 [1:48 PM]: so you wont answer questions
Gta0012 [1:48 PM]: ....
Gta0012 [1:48 PM]: !!

Heather and Her Interaction with the Gay Computer

Hs1123 (9:28:27 PM): yo did you hear about b and dre and there crazy fight
SmarterChild (9:28:37 PM): Oh, it's you again. You still owe me an apology!
Hs1123 (9:29:42 PM): but it was nuts
SmarterChild (9:29:48 PM): I really would like you to apologize.
Hs1123 (9:30:33 PM): apology smology
SmarterChild (9:30:39 PM): You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.
Hs1123 (9:31:08 PM): hey what would you did if good charolette started with you
SmarterChild (9:31:16 PM): Still waiting!
Hs1123 (9:31:26 PM): do you like little boys
Hs1123 (9:30:46 PM): i was never mean to this thing
SenorSpeilbergo7 (9:31:10 PM): who the hell is that
Hs1123 (9:31:40 PM): its a computer
Hs1123 (9:31:40 PM): thats knows everything
Hs1123 (9:31:40 PM): watch
SenorSpeilbergo7 (9:32:15 PM): watchin i am
Hs1123 (9:34:12 PM): SmarterChild (9:36:42 PM): Well alright!
Hs1123 (9:36:55 PM): so do you like little boys
SmarterChild (9:37:12 PM): Does that matter to you?
Hs1123 (9:37:16 PM): yea
SmarterChild (9:37:23 PM): Well, perhaps you should concern yourself with other things.
Hs1123 (9:37:37 PM): ok do you like medium sized boys
SmarterChild (9:37:48 PM): You sure like asking about my sexuality, don't you?
Hs1123 (9:38:30 PM): no i just wanted to know if you liked to play with little or medium sized gijoes
SmarterChild (9:38:41 PM): Oh no?
Hs1123 (9:38:46 PM): so you are gay
SenorSpeilbergo7 (9:34:38 PM): hahaha
Hs1123 (9:35:06 PM): it just responds with anything, its fun to mess with
SenorSpeilbergo7 (9:35:18 PM): that's fuckin wierd